Teacher’s Quarantined Thoughts & Experiences, Amid Covid19 Pandemic

Traditional School Closure 2020

School Closure

March 19, 2020, little did any of us know would be the end of the traditional classroom as we knew it. For my school, that Friday would be the start of major logistics and team planning. Teachers and staff worked magic to do #distancelearning. We dispersed into groups and teams and came up with game plans within hours. Practiced across all of our nation and world, for that matter. For us, our next three days consisted of planning, copying, and finalizing those plans to assemble and deliver lesson packets to students. As if this feat wasn’t quite immaculate all on it’s own, our district also dropped news that required us to pack up our classrooms, as if we were leaving for the summer. Typically this process takes a few days, if not a week to do, but nevertheless, teachers responded and made it all happen. We always do.

Packet Pick up

Logistics planning is what teachers do typically in the classroom, especially when plans are changed because of an unannounced firedrill. We are professionals ready to pounce at the call and adjust accordingly. During the three days we decided on teams to assemble and await students and their families at two different locations. Some of us would also work from home, preparing their home-based classroom, I chose to work from home and started creating lessons to help teachers understand and perform distance learning by creating a website: https://anewdawnaa.wixsite.com/integr8teded. Several of my collagues went to school and distributed packets to families and students, which happened on Wednesday March 25th, 2020.

Distance Learning Training

Outside of the traditional classroom, you might wonder how we ‘teach’ our students? if you’re living in the modern world, you probably have learned a bit of this yourself by now. This wasn’t any different for us, several teachers, staff and administrators had to figure out how to use technology and still perform our jobs. Teams were assembled to train teachers and I was one of four teachers to support our school’s teachers. When I wasn’t training, I answered questions and emails and supported kids from a distance. Most teachers weren’t teaching in a Google Meet during this time, but were emailing families or calling them on the phone. I continuted training teachers on Google Classroom, Google Meet and answered other technical questions, all while creating online lessons for my student that preferred this to the paper packet. I also created video explanations for the warm ups and lessons in our packet, so kids could check their work. I was in my element.

I also needed to remember to remain calm, my typical days were from about 7 am to 8 pm, through all the requirements of distance learning and supporting the needs and questions posed from students, parents and colleagues. My passion to utilize my master’s project thesis, teaching teachers how to integetrate technology, became a reality. I felt as though my time to shine had come, in the eyes of my district. Well, I was highlighted to some extent, but most administrators want to be the one’s with the ‘knowledge’ and to capture the ‘glory’ as the hero to save the day and therefore I didn’t really get the spotlight. I felt put out. Perhaps it was my PTSD telling me I was not good enough again and not an accurate depiction of how others felt about me. Some have said I’m ‘too sensitive,’ but I really felt like I was invisible during this time and it led to a bout of depression. I knew I could solve problems others were having, but my principal wouldn’t let me take the lead and nobody cared, they all wanted to find out on their own. Teachers are like this, right? The negative thoughts in my head readlly swarmed around in my mind up during these first few weeks.

Spring Break

Yes, amid all of this shelter in place, we still had our two week Spring Break to look forward to, although many had cancelled travel plans, we still were off for this period. Many chose to pick up hobbies, I chose to train my grade level colleages and plan our curriculum for after Spring Break. I also got out of the house and went hiking a bit more. The break flew by, especially without anything to do and no place to go.

Phase 2 of Distance Learning

We all returned from Spring Break to phase two of distance learning, as stay at home orders extended. Our district offered two days of professional training to teachers, we built out our lessons, and I trained several teachers on the best whiteboard tools, screen recording apps and collaboration options. We planned and pushed out two lessons per week, per subject area. My 6th grade math collegue and I met for at least 4-5 hours daily, while teaching, responding to emails and attending staff meetings. We were still working 12-14 hour days. I believe those early hours spent working, paid off, we are fully planned until the end of school, which for us is June 17th. It’s a good thing too, since the next phase of my families covid19 problems meant a plan to Hawaii.

Travelling for Family

Because I’m blessed to have a job that I can do from anywhere while we are distance learning, I was able to respond to an urgent call from my youngest daughter. She’s in the military.

Here’s the situation: stationed in Hawaii, her husband is still deployed and not expected to return until June 29th. She’s working full-time and caring for my 16 month old grandson, plus she’s expecting her second child June 3, 2020. She initially planned for her husband to return, prior to this Covid19 situation we are all in and have her friend ‘watch’ her 16 month old; however, that all changed. My ability to travel to Hawaii to help out didn’t change, until we went into distance learning mode, my school year ends June 17th. So my daughter’s mother-in-law planned to travel and help out, as she’s not working and could help out. During the first week of May, the restrictions in Hawaii changed and required anyone travelling to Hawaii to self-quarantine for 14 days. On top of that, nobody knew we were required to quarantine in Hawaii off her base-housing, until May 5th. These stressful times increased the turmoil my daughter already felt, not to mention everyone else involved. When it comes to the military, you cannot make plans of this nature, they don’t really care about your personal problems, they own you. One reason why I never signed up for the military, but definitely respect everyone who serves(d).

I was relieved that my daughter had the help she needed on the way. I thought, “Why have two people in the house from two different states, not wanting to risk exposing my daughter, the baby and the newborn to anything we may be carrying. I figured I didn’t need to go, at this time.

Next comes the new kink: the baby cannot be in the delivery room. So, she’s in need of another adult; me. So both Moms; her mother-in-law and I book flights and register at the same hotel. We both registered with Safe Travels to Hawaii, and agreed that we would quarantine for 14 days. Tough situation, especially since we both had already been in quarantine at home. She recently had surgery in February and I’ve been distance learning since March 26th.

Quarantine - Day 1

My flight to Hawaii was initially a direct flight, but due to the low demand of flying in general, the airlines cancelled that one, forcing me to rebook with with a layover in Seattle. (face palm) Wearing a mask on a flight and throughout the airport is now a norm in our society. It’s also rather difficult on a long flight, especially when you’re stressed that the flight is cramped with so many people and your anxiety is at an all time high. Social distancing is not possible on planes, and although they say they reduced capacity, both of the two planes I took were booked.

Upon arrival in Honolulu, I was ushered in a line, like cattle entering the slaughter, and showed my identification, provided a reason for my travel, and a tracking address and phone where I would be during my stay. Next I was moved on to another line to swear to and sign an affidavit acknowledging that violation of my quarantine meant a $5,000 fine or prison. This process has been lengthy for some, but luckily I only spent 25 minutes doing this and moved on the gather my luggage and find my ride.

Arrival at the hotel was arduous at best, the air conditioning wasn’t working, they didn’t have all of my hotel confirmation paperwork ready and I discovered my kitchenette was only equipped with a small room, min-fridge and tiny stove. The balcony view left something to be desired, especially given the non-smoking hotel/state couldn’t really inforce those below from smoking, therefore the first day felt as though I was in a sauna, I refused to breathe second-hand smoke. I was miserable. I felt like I was ‘struggling a bit,’ as on my “Mental Health Check-in Chart.”

Day 2 in Quarantine

I woke at 3 am, I hate my internal clock, stuck on California time. Typically I wake up with the smell and taste of expresso and I knew that this was one thing I was going to miss. Mr. Coffee, and Starbucks double shot espresso simply do not compare.

I’m feeling ‘meh’ today because I figured out that if I open the hallway door and the balcony, it created a nice ‘crossbreeze,’ but onlly if the person below didn’t smoke outside. I also asked the hotel for a fan since it would be four days until the AC could be fixed. (sigh) So, my mood lifts a bit, especially since the Hawaiian breeze is wonderful.

I spent a few hours on a Google Meet with my colleague to plan out our week, but I’d be getting up rather early to attend our sessions with the kids.

Day 3 in Quarantine

Today I woke up at 3 am again, ugh why? I still couldn’t get Starbucks delivered, so I’m a bit depressed. I found out I cannot even go for a walk with my mask on, so I ignored my health needs all day. This wasn’t great for my overall well-being. I focused on work. Our math Google Meet class went well, we had 74 kids in the class and I believe they all listened and learned. Keeping busy is definitely a plus for my mental health and it makes me forget that I’m in quarantine.

Days 4, 5 & 6 Quarantine

The days are seeming to blend together. I enjoy working with my students, suporting colleagues, making our virtual school broadcast, but I’m struggling to focus and I miss being outside. My mental health is closer to needing a check in with family, friends or maybe a professional. Definitely lonely by day 6. I spent the majority of the day calling students and responding to emails. Google Meets are becoming old and something I am not necessarily looking forward to doing, although I miss people, students and most of all family. I need a hike! The only time I can go outside is to get ice from the lobby and only with a mask, then I have to return.

Day 7 Quarantine

Today I finished our school virtual newscast and decided to ‘walk’ the room. I’m very proud of myself, I closed 3 rings on my Apple Watch and in total walked 2.5 miles. Accomplishments really make me feel my best, so much so it’s the highest I’ve felt under quarantine. My chart reads ‘Feeling Good’ today. How can you beat the blues while in quarantine? I’m believing it has to do with moving your body. When someone is depressed, they generally aren’t moving much, the blood isn’t flowing as rigorously and everything is stagnant. Today I felt my heart pumping and my brain cells moving around, it felt great! I know it’s difficult to get up, but try it, you’ll feel better. I’ve decided to close me rings every day that I’m here.

Day 8 Quarantine

Today I was woken up by my youngest son Josh, he called at 5:30 am. I guess this is better than 3 am, but yet, he woke me up. It’s Saturday! He wanted to check in but asked general laundry washing questions. My youngest daughter, the one I’m here to help, also called. We talked for a couple of hours and then I started to read a book, “Young Offenders” by Michael Maisey. He was on my podcast and discussed his life as a gang-member, having been in and out of jail. He exhibited so much strength and was humble at the same time. I really discovered more about him while reading his story. I believe every youngster, struggling or not, should read something like this. Perspective is something missing in the lives of some kids. I’m not sure if the coronavirus pandemic has had any impact on this or not, but reading this story made me appreciate my life so much more. Two days in a row I’m ‘Feeling Good,’ and closed my rings today too.

Day 9 Quarantine

Today I talked to my daughter Darby and Josh and also decided to blog about my journey since we left school I know the majority of the world is in this rut we are all faced with, but I think it’s important that we jot down our experiences. History as we know it is changing, life as we know it along with the history. Our grandkids and their grandkids will be able to read everything we did, our thoughts, etc. I believe the art of story-telling has been lost, hopefully this rejuvenates that a bit.

I’m also praying that my daughter doesn’t go into early labor. She still won’t have anyone to help her, althought after May 26th, she’ll have her mother-in-law, who officially is out of quarantine. My daughter would have to have the baby alone in the hospital. I’m not sure how many moms have had to do that, as of yet. I’m sure quite a few.

I’m still missing people, fresh air, my own coffee and I miss hiking; but I’D never do anything different, I love my kids and I’d go to the ends of the earth for any one of them or my grandkids.

Lessons on Coping

Coping:

Life throws us thorns and roses, and this is my story of coping.

I used to cope through all the wrong ways; yelling, being bitter towards those who I felt hurt me. Getting angry, having the deep seeded fiery ball in my stomach, eating, and dangerously risky behavior.

 I never really was much of a drinker after I became a mom, but the occasional wine or margarita helped me cope, at times.

Medication was and is something that helps me, but I really don’t like losing full control of my mental state, so I only used it minimally, if at all.

Coping is a daily thing for me, and I must always be mindful of where I’m at physically mentally and spiritually. Balance is essential, especially ensuring I get enough sleep, that I eat well and that I unwind thru a walk or a great book. Meditation, quiet time, self talk are all very important to me.

I find inspiration and relief when I reflect on my hikes. I gain a deeper sense of self & clarity for issues and problems that I face. What ever is the current thorn in my side, is all worked out through my hike. I breathe in the air, observe my surroundings, listening to birds as butterflies surround my head; it’s all so relaxing. The negativity of both my mind & world is completely removed when each breath I inhale, is exhaled.

There came a time when I had to take out the VHS that was playing in my head, because it was telling the old story, and it needed to be replaced by streaming audio of hope to encourage me, and empower me and my every-day life.

I coped at family events by putting on a mask so I didn’t lose myself in the chaos of dysfunctional family life.

I coped by becoming my authentic self, and surrounding myself with people that lifted me up instead of tearing me down.

I also coped thru my kids and making it my obligation to ensure I took care of their well-being before my own.

I coped by learning from my failures because as a teacher I learned that the only way we learn is by making mistakes

Daily, I’ve learned to cope by taking care of myself, mindful of when I need solitude, a long hike, mindful meditation or yoga which is new for me. Sometimes I read and escape into the world of an amazing book. I love to advocate on Twitter or share stories through my podcast or my other social media account as well. It helps me tremendously.

I make sure I take vitamins, cognizant that I do some type of physical activity at least three times a week. Everything for me works thru balance, and although I know this is what I need, it’s a daily struggle, especially when I’m thoroughly exhausted.

Success:

I learned that through the darkest muck comes rays of hope, that through the struggles and obstacles that block my path... there’s warmth in the light that shines from the hard work to remove them. I grow stronger and more resilient. I persevered thru my divorce, searching for help for myself & now son, as we all struggled. Faltering is part of life and it teaches us our inner strength, helps us find the confidence to push through the chains that bind not only our mind, but tries to constrain us to the ground.

“I wish when you are lonely and in darkness I could show you the astonishing light of your own being!”

— Hafizz

Through them I found the strength & courage to return to school. The idea of not having my degree, meant in my mind that I failed my mother, and myself. I went back to school as a single mom of four children working full-time, advocating for my son, and the rest of my kids. I finished not only my bachelors degree, but obtained my teaching credential, and my masters degree. Through my struggles, I taught my kids to never give up hope, to always put one foot in front of the other and to look for the little light that shines. No matter how dark the days get, it’s always there.

I wanted to go out and do something amazing, to help people share their stories, so others know they’re not alone. It’s a cathartic exercise for me and for those that share their stories, knowing that our voices are out there helping others. I wanted to help people take off their masks, to be their authentic self… And I wanted to teach others what it looks like when someone is struggling, so maybe they could understand without judging.

And in their voice, tell others about what they learned, to reduce the stigma around the world.

Ultimately I want to, as my catchphrase says, “shine a light today to brighten all your  tomorrows.” My goal is to a eradicate the stigma surrounding mental illness thru schools, through my voice, and through my volunteer work.

I am here to live out loud.

~Emile Zola

Everything you can imagine is real ~Pablo Picasso

Taking care of me, my Keto journey

Oodles of folks have commented on my ability to move mountains, while taking care of my children. Raising a family, while working full time and completing three degrees plus a teaching credential, leaves no time for self care.’ As a matter of fact, poor habits were the norm; little sleep, bad diet, fast food & always the crutch of caffeine for my dose of daily energy or afternoon ‘pick-me-up.’ My focus was on completing my degrees and caring for my kids, which took every waking moment, as a single wage-earner and mother.

Worrying has also been something that’s hindered my self-care journey, as well as my weight-loss. Every waking moment, as a single mom brought on high levels of cortisol, a hormone known to make it increasingly difficult to lose weight. My life-style prevented me from jumping off the merry-go-round of life to provide the necessary self-care I needed. Not only for mental health, but weight-loss and my mindfulness, which I’ve found necessary as a daily part of life.

The purposes of this blog post is to impress upon young mothers and fathers the importance of self-care, while you’re young, and to provide tips on how I lost weight and continue to lose, amidst the abundance of dietary fads on the market.

The Keto-Diet is something I’d heard about for several years prior to trying it out. Like many, I was skeptical, but really, I had no idea what it really entailed and how it would change my thought towards food. Spring of 2019 brought huge change for me, not only did I discover the joys of hiking, the benefits would initiate my weight-loss journey. April of 2019 I hiked my first 9 mile hike and I thought I would die, after-all the longest I’d ever hiked was five miles, and I thought that was a huge feat. My journey started because as a mental health advocate, I was bound and determined to reduce the stigma of mental illness globally. In addition to my work in my classroom around mindfulness, I also signed up to walk for the American Suicide Prevention Foundation’s ‘Out of the Darkness” overnight walk; a 16-mile night walk in San Francisco. Such a walk required one to be in better shape than I was, so I signed up with other like-minded people to walk. This became a habit of mine and since then, I’ve maintained my love for the great out-doors, signed up to walk with people from Meet-up and have found Lake Chabot, Joaquin Miller, and Mission Peak, as inspirationally beautiful places to hike.

Summer of 2019 is when I began my break from social media, took a trip with the entire family to Oahu and started my Keto-Diet. My eldest daughter and I watched the documentary, “Fat” on Netfilx and found out, for me, the first time, that mayonnaise, cheese, good fatty foods, where actually going to help propel a 45 pound weight-loss. She and I both went on the keto diet, sharing ideas, tips, and recipes; encouraging each-other. I started my day with eggs, bacon, or with a coconut creme, hemp-seeds and coconut ‘oatmeal’ breakfast. I ate more avocado’s, nuts, cheeses, and lunch meats than I’d ate before, all with mayonnaise and salads with garlic/lemon/mayonnaise dressing. Who knew you could eat the foods many told me would make me fat, and lose weight? I was always satisfied, never hungry and had tons of energy.

I also did some research and knew I couldn’t live on the Keto-Diet, but rather use it as a tool to lose weight. I’ve always thought about eating health and love eating clean and green. I’d never eaten so much meat before, but after three months, I’d reached a plateau and felt the desire for a change.

My next blog post will be about my switch to a plant-based diet and my exercise routine, outside of hiking.

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